left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
