i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
