Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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