i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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