I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
