I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
