i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
