we're blogging at a bar
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
