I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
