if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
