Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
