don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
