Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
