i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
