Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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