Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
So. Much. Porn.
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