he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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