i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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