ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
