called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
