yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You left your phone here
Wait...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
