please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
