peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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