i permit you to call me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
