It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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