The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
