so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
