A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
birth control should be required to get into college
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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