I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
farters have to be the big spoon...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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