Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
