Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
