The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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