I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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