How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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