i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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