he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
