so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
