these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
