do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
