Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
