just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
