Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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