We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
