you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
