maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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