I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
