i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
