it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
