the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
