she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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