We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just high enough for therapy.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize