I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
