Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
