she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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