you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize