Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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