Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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