it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
