i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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