you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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