Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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