It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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