the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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