i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
