I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
