I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
