how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
