well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize