Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
