i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
