WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Will exercising make me less horny?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize