Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
