I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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