Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
