I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
